Do you control your life or does it control you? Do you feel caught in a perpetual tug-o-war between the needs of your family and the demands of your work? Do you feel like your career no longer stretches your imagination or excites you? Dread going to work in the mornings? If so, you’ve got a lot of company. Balance has become the Holy Grail in the new world of work. What is balance? Let’s begin by talking about what balance is not. Balance is not about squeezing as much as possible into every second of every day. Balance is not about double booking your schedule or worshipping a ten page “To Do” list. Balance is not about being a slave to email. No, balance is about savoring life. Balance is about listening to your favorite music or eating lunch in the sunshine of a beautiful day. Balance is about making choices that allow you to be YOU in the best way possible. Achieving balance begins with tossing out time management tools. Realize that time management tools are just that — tools. They are only effective when used in the right situation. Would you use a tape measure to plug a leaky pipe? Probably not. Too many of us have blindly embraced a generic “one-size-fits-all” time management lifestyle in our quest to squeeze more things into our lives. But ask yourself … Do you really want to do MORE things … or do you want to do MORE MEANINGFUL things? Go for balance.
Two years ago, I was frustrated at work, tired, and feeling that I was trapped in a job I hated and a career that took away all my time, leaving no time for family, friends, and life. Now I realize that my having a career that is a natural extension of who I am, one which I am passionate about, having time to enjoy my family, my friends, my hobbies, and taking the time to take extraordinary care of myself EVERY day, I have created the space to do what I love and love what I do. It wasn’t easy. I kept finding excuses. “I can’t get to the gym because I have to work all the time” and then because I didn’t get to the gym I was tired all the time, and being tired meant I had no energy to get to the gym so even IF I had the time, I had no energy and on and on.
One day, I woke up and said STOP. I realized that I was most important and not the income I generated, or the career I had. I began taking care of just me and saying no to things that didn’t feel nourishing to me. I realize that many of my coaching clients are faced with the same question of how to make time to care for themselves. I say, if you care about yourself and your family and friends, then you do it. If you don’t care about yourself or others, and only are focused on being an income source, I think you are missing the point of being on the Universe. Maybe I’m way off here, but my clients seem to get it.
Do you have a hard time taking extraordinary care of yourself? Many clients tell me that the concept of taking extraordinary self-care makes them feel somewhat selfish, and I say, “Yes, … so?” What is wrong with taking extraordinary care of you? Why not treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated?
Here are some rituals that I have discovered to help you ease into finding ways to get to the extraordinary self-care place:
1. Buy yourself flowers.
2. Get up early and have your breakfast outside.
3. Buy a cozy robe.
4. Enjoy a cup of hot tea or flavored coffee.
5. Listen to a tape that makes you laugh.
6. Sing.
7. Dance.
8. Stay in bed late.
9. Sit and do nothing for 20 minutes.
10. Go for a walk.
What happens when you begin to engage in extraordinary self-care? Clients report that they feel more self-acceptance and learn that self-care comes from and ends with them. They tell me they find their own happiness inside and are able to make decisions that support them. For me, it has been the way for me to live my dreams and know what is in my heart.
I have many things pulling at me each day for my attention. In order to balance it all out, I start by looking at myself and not others. I have practices that take care of my physical and emotional needs every day. I eat regularly, yet moderately. I don’t smoke, I take in minimal amounts of alcohol, I have daily quiet time, I mediate, I journal, I read, I take baths, I work-out, and on and on. By taking care of my body and my mind, I then have room for others. But it is always ME first. Selfish, why YES, it is. Then I have space to add things and people I love which bring me delight and passion and make my life so wonderful. I have energy for my family, colleagues, friends, and everyone else because I am not exhausted. The key is to find the balance between ME time and OTHER time. Once I know what I need for myself, I know what I have left to give to others. I identify the people, places and things that I choose to spend my time with. I say no when something doesn’t fit in and always think if I need more time for me first. By finding this balance, I am happier and feel much more freedom. Remember that this balance can change daily and keep checking your needs. Be very selfish and you will then have more to give to others. Find your own personal extraordinary care rituals and begin to allow yourself to enjoy life. It is rushing by you.